Impermanence | Rituals of Return

(Documenting the Journey)

What is needed

Often our beliefs about what we need or what we can allow or give ourselves permission to need, are more tailored to someone else’s experience, than our own. 

While exploring this idea it occurred to me that I have an unaddressed need for safety. I realized that I have never truly experienced the assurance of security and neither as it seems, has anyone that I have known in my ancestral lineage. And even though I’ve carried this persistent weight in my body, acknowledging and naming it, struck me deeply and this became the focal point of my project. Prompting me to reflect, how can I start to feel safe, in the fabric of my own skin and what has this long-standing absence of safety meant for both myself and those who came before me. 

Journal Entry (Motivation): “You must become comfortable defining your own needs and how best to meet them, even if it means stepping outside of normal expectations of what has been done before.” 

My desire has been to discover the most rapid/immediate, transformational tools to begin to feel safe quickly, in body, mind and spirit. By exploring a variety of tools and modalities that can provide anyone, with an immediate access point to engage in change, no matter where they are in their life journey. Focusing on how we can approach transformation through intentionally planned environments, our ability to move/transmute excess energy in the body, process emotions with intention, while also focusing on the sources, quality/quantity of our inputs (food, media, interactions, etc.).

What I Realized: While our minds often are willing and ready to make changes, our bodies can hold onto feelings like “fear” or “disbelief”, that keep us feeling stuck and unable to change and make progress. Perhaps, by recognizing that the mind and heart are more receptive when the body is calm, we can start to process the feelings that are fundamental to the changes that we are seeking to make. 

Practicing rituals that create a sense of calm gives us the opportunity to retrain and prime our bodies (heart/nervous system) to match our minds’ willingness to expand and to adopt new beliefs and ways of being. This realization deeply shaped my approach to repair. That in order to establish new core feelings of safety, calm must be encoded into the body through first alleviating our trauma responses. 

The Tables have Turned

‘Aha!’ moments can arise in unpredictable ways, as in my journey, involving a kitchen table.

Journal Entry (June 18, 2025 – Environment Study): “There was this table I was given. That I liked. That I both appreciated and liked but also was too tall for me. It was just too “too” for me in so many ways. Heavy in frame and in energy. Difficult to move and always awkwardly occupying space. It was so irritatingly ok, that I shouldn’t have felt fraught with it but I did. It had irritated me since 2021. I always knew that table wasn’t right for me. But it was so “ok” I felt like I didn’t have a good enough reason or permission to let it go. Although it bugged me everyday. My life has been much happier now that the table is out of the way.”

What This Taught Me: The table was “fine,” but it simply wasn’t right for my space or for me. This quiet, nagging discomfort persisted for years. This whole experience became a powerful lesson in listening to those subtle internal signals. Sometimes something doesn’t have to be overtly “bad”, to be wrong for you. The second I finally moved the table, it felt like a massive sigh of relief in my physical space and in my head. It totally proved that even seemingly minor adjustments can lead to significant emotional improvements. This observation truly solidified the idea that if something’s off, even if it’s “just okay,” it’s probably messing with you more than you think.

Foundational Principles: Research Informing My Approach

My journey into personal repair was informed by my continued exploration of existing research into various wellness practices and their underlying mechanisms. I wanted to more methodically understand how various tools and modalities could reduce stress, calm the body and mind and allow for a positive shift in thinking, embodied mentally, physically and emotionally. This type of “mind-body” approach helps bridge the gap between intellectual understanding and applied learning, paving the way for more meaningful personal transformation. When we cultivate peace and balance in our lives, not only do we create harmony within ourselves but we also contribute to a greater collective sense of well-being—while expanding our ability to open up to new ideas and discover new and creative solutions.


Placebo Effect / Power of the Mind

Red Light Therapy

Acupuncture (Mat, Shoes)

Singing Bowls

Chakra Tuning Forks

Vibration Plates

Massagers (Head & Neck)

Cervical Neck Pillows

Breathwork

Humming Breathwork

Grounding/Earthing Mats

Copper Pitcher

Copper Charging Plates

  • While no specific research articles were provided for copper charging plates, their inclusion here is based on their usage in the personal exploration.

Meditation Pyramids

Rose Water

Weighted Blankets

Canopy for Meditation

  • While no specific research articles were provided for canopies, their inclusion here is based on my usage in personal exploration.

Schumann Resonance

EFT Tapping

Lateral Eye Movement

Mirrors & Energy (Feng Shui)


Moods, Practices and Life’s Ebbs & Flows

To get a handle on approaching my research, I created a personalized system to follow. For two weeks, I tracked my waking mood (scale of 1-10, 10 being best) and what practices I managed to complete each day. * The chart above is a breakdown of my daily check-ins, my mood scores and what practices I did or did not complete. 

* The chart above is a breakdown of my daily check-ins, my mood scores and what practices I did or did not complete. 

Items and Modalities Explored

Here is a consolidated list of the specific items and wellness modalities that were part of this personal research exploration:

  • Acupuncture Mat / Acupuncture Shoes (Reflexology Slippers)

  • Affirmations

  • Breathwork

  • Canopy for Meditation

  • Cervical Neck Pillow

  • Chakra Tuning Forks

  • Copper Charging Plates

  • Copper Pitcher

  • EFT Tapping

  • Grounding/Earthing Mat

  • Head Massager

  • Humming Breathwork

  • Lateral Eye Movement

  • Meditation Pyramids (Energy Pyramid)

  • Mirrors & Energy (Feng Shui)

  • Neck Massager

  • Red Light Therapy

  • Rose / Rose Water

  • Schumann Frequency

  • Singing Bowls

  • Vibration Plate

  • Weighted Blanket

Shifts: Grief, Authenticity and Balance

Towards the latter half of the 2 week period, some shifts began to happen.

Journal Entries (May 17-19, 2025): 

5.17.25 “My mother’s death has really been present with me. It’s been less than a year and a half since she passed. I am still in shock. It’s the first thing that’s in my mind when I rise and the last thing in my head before bed.

The other day (a few weeks ago) I was surprised at how well I had been doing. I hadn’t cried in weeks and I was amazed I felt “ok”. But just as it is, when I get these realizations suddenly things change in stark contrast and I find myself within days, not being “ok”…” 

5.18.25 ”I had a shift suddenly... Intellectually understood ideas transitioned into a felt state. Suddenly I became more real. And I realized that striving for perfection was exhausting, futile and no longer my goal. But experiencing freedom through realness is more ideal. I’ll never be perfect. And regardless, perfection is not a requirement for permission to fully live. 

5.19.25 “I was thinking about working back and forth across realities—physical and digital, physical and spiritual. You have to have a balance between what you can see and interact with and what you can not tangibly experience. If you neglect to balance your focus with either you lose your way.”

Grief has been a constant underlying hum, with an unpredictable volume setting. From moments of feeling that I was “okay” to sudden, overwhelming sadness, showed me that I am not in control of grief and perhaps I never will be, it just pops up when it wants. I just get to choose how I respond to it.

And then, something amazing happened on May 18th. I had this “shift.” It wasn’t just thinking about something, it was feeling it. That’s when I realized chasing both understanding and “perfection” was a trap. A shift to prioritizing the freedom of realness over validation of perfection. 

Conclusions: Making New Practices Stick

Journal Entry (May 21, 2025 – Final Day):  “I can’t believe 2 weeks passed so quickly! I am not going to lie, it still has been a challenge to incorporate everything daily. Next to see what sticks and to find ways of making things stick that I believe hold value.”

My Final Thoughts and Follow-up on Consistency

This 2 week period was a really transformative experience in my perspective. While I had a challenging time with grief, but I feel as though it is because I felt more at ease and unconsciously my mind and my body just let go. Like it was finally safe to.

I also had some intellectual shifts that moved into practice that have affected and influenced how I have been navigating my life since the experience.

I can absolutely say that these practices, set a rhythm and furthered anchored me into something valuable and real.

While it truly was challenging to incorporate every single practice into my daily routine. A strategy I’ve found for making things stick has been integrating them into my visual environment. I make sure to leave items out in my field of vision and in areas I frequent in my home. For example, I use my singing bowls and tuning forks as part of my decor. This serves as a constant, subtle reminder to use them making engagement more seamless.

My 3 favorite items from the experience that I felt really shifted chaotic energy to calm are:

    • Vibration Plate

    • Red Light Therapy

    • Acupressure Mat

I really enjoyed these items because there were positives shifts in being, with no thinking involved. Just feeling. 

I’ve also realized that some tools or practices are less likely to be used because they require me to significantly change my routine. For example, my back massager cannot be used while lying down and the hand-held massager must be actively held. I would use these products far more often if I could integrate them into my winding-down routine, like using them in bed or while falling asleep. Sitting up straight for certain tools right now just isn’t ideal for me. This highlights that ease of integration into existing habits is crucial for long-term consistency.